Secret life of a crossdresser

I was checking out Martha's blog and she had a lottery for a new body. My name is now Gabriela and I'm a redhead. Hears the link if you want to try your luck. http://marthascaps.blogspot.com/2014/02/the-lottery-where-everyone-wins-new-body.html?m=0

Still hear. Still struggling, confused, conflicted, misunderstood, unaccepted, unsupported. Why am I this way will anything ever change?

I thought I was cured. I had stopped dressing. I stopped reading about it. Lost interest in certain websites and email lists. I quit checking my alter ego's email, this blog. Then one day I found myself alone. There was my wife's necklace calling to me. I put it on. Then came a bracelet, rings, earrings. Next was a bra and panties followed by a skirt and blouse. Oh and high heal shoes can't forget the shoes. Next well theres usually some kind of sex involved. And now I'm bak where I was before I was cured.

I have been sitting to pee just like a real girl has to. This led to a couple observations. Why do women wear pants? Seems like it would be easier in a skirt or dress. All you have to do is lift your skirt pull down panties sit go wipe pull up panties drop skirt and your done. But in pants there's a whooe lot more to do. Unbuckle unsnap unzip or what ever fastener you use pull down pants pull down panties go wipe then pull up panties pull up pants tuck shirt wait skip that most women don't tuck in there shirt. Extra work. Then zip snap buckle and whatever else. Could this add to long lines at the ladies room?

I may have misrepresented myself in my last post. I am not a guy that wants to be a woman so I can date men. I like women. If I woke up tomorrow in the body of a woman I would still like women. The post is about how I might react to stimulation. I remember the first time I was with a woman as a man. The feelings were overpowering. I couldn't stop if I wanted too. I think we did it three times that night. Anyways how would I react to waking up female with a man there seducing me? Would I say ick? (No offense guy on guy not my thing. Girl on girl that's another story.) But in the dream I'm not a guy anymore I'm a girl. Would I give into the sensations? Would I be lost in the moment?

First strip naked. Then slip on some panties followed by a bra and stuff it full. Since I don't have breast forms I use whatever I can find. Socks, pantyhose, panties, water balloons, I've heard of some people filling a stocking with rice. Next slip into a dreas. High heels on my feet, I prefer the spike heel kind . A necklace around my neck, bracelets on my wrists, rings on my fingers, lipstick on my lips. A purse on my shoulder. Then handcuffs. Now what. First escape the handcuffs then Autogynephilia. I lie in bed imaging I'm a woman. A man is on top of me touching me. I have never been touched like this and am powerless to stop him. He holds me down. He is big and strong, I am small and week. He enters me and I cum right away. I'm used to stopping when I cum being a man you know. But he doesn't stop and I cum again and again. Exploding in exstacy. I grab the bed I grab pillows I grab him. Oh that really sets him off. Pumping harder faster. Somehow I know that if